PREPARING FOR DIVORCE OR SEPARATION

Many times we speak of being married and being divorced (or being unmarried) as if they are the only two options. But as intelligent beings, we should always have a complex and well nuanced brain to deal with the grey areas of life. Many things in life will not be black and white. There will be grey areas and shades. It is the ability to deal with grey and shades that makes us the most intelligent being.

Even in marriages or in our marital statuses, there are grey areas. These are the various mid-points between the two extreme points of being married and being unmarried.

I can imagine a number of such mid-points. Example, being separated from your spouse places you in a mid-point. Also, being in a live-in relationship with your lover (couple living like husband and wife but without being married) is another such mid-point. Also, being married, but having extra-marital affair is a midpoint. Even when not living together, being in a single relationship for years is a mid-point.

These midpoints are important for us to know about because many people will not, for one reason or the other, be neatly positioned in one of the extremes.

If you understand the significance of these midpoints and how they work, you will be able to understand how best to conduct your live when you are in them. You always hear people say: "Behave like a married woman" or "Behave like a family man". But nobody ever tells you to behave like a person separated from her marriage or like a good girlfriend, etc. Yet, majority of man-woman relationships will fall within the midpoints, and not the extremes. Those who are not married are having more sex than those who are married. So, relationships of couples that are not married is equally important for us to study.

The importance of the midpoints is further underscored because it guides us as we move away from the extreme. For instance, if you discover that your marriage is not as ideal as you expected. Yet, things have not gotten to the point of divorce, what do you do? Of course, you should try to rebuilt your marriage to make if perfect. But what if that is not working? You may as well start preparing for the possibility of divorce. One thing a woman should do if she discovers that her marriage may break in the future is to stop having more children. I came across a wise woman who stopped at only 2 children because she feared that there might be divorce down the line, and she was right. She had two kids because that was the number she felt that she could raise alone if her husband left the marriage. That was wise. When the man filed for divorce years later, the woman was so well prepared to deal with it.

We are thinking as intelligent people. That is why we are discussing this right now. Learn how to deal with your girlfriend and treat her right. Don't think you can beat her because she is only a girlfriend.